i'm pretty glad only a handful read this blog.
don't ask why.
(dont read if you dont like emo posts)
are there ever days when you feel so upset, cheerless, numb, frustrated with yourself?
like somehow you know nothing will ever feel the same again, no matter how hard you try it will never be the same again?
(and no it's not about love or broken hearts)
i know someone that feels that way.
she feels this overwhelming guilt and a twinge of remorse infused with hints of regret that hit on her at sudden intervals. even she can't explain how exactly she feels.
you see, this girl has some sort of a major examination in her life coming up which will only be one of life's minor obstacle in stall for her. she knows without a doubt that she will have to perform spectacularly at this component, yet she is also certain beyond doubt that she will score well in that component, if only placings were counted bottom up instead of top down. this frustrates her greatly- if she can't even overcome such a ''minor'' component as one of life's multitude of challenges, what more in the years ahead? how can she cope, manage all that stress? is she up to it? such thoughts flooded her mind.
the world she lives in is obsessed with the achievements one manages to attain in their lifetime. And mind you, these achievements are those that do no good for humanity. these are the monetary possessions not time spent to help the needy, the amount of treasure in the form of jewellery not love or compassion for others, the number of dusty tropies and medals that line one's display panel boasting of the fanastic accomplishments one has managed to attain yet contain no thank you notes filled with lines of graditude, thanking them for going out of their way to help them when they needed help most. what has happened to her world? her once beautiful, glittering world of kindness and compassion was shattered. only then did she see the ugly truth, all she had once believed in was in fact, a lie. the world was all spite, jealousy, rivalry.maybe there was beauty. beneath this horrible, loathsome world laid a world of beauty, treasure, kindness and love. if you looked in the right places. her schoolmates were living proof of that. they were her source of strength in the darkness. her joy when it seemed all hope was lost. it was they who gave her faith to believe in the world again. somehow, maybe it was magic, but they did it. suddenly her world was not longer filled with gloomy greys or melancholy blues. it was a myriad of colours whenever she was with them, their laughter conjured up hues of pink, oranges and bright yellows.to be continued..
