dang. after writing that, i read nat's blog and i just cried. teared, whatever.
crap, i dislike crying, but sometimes i guess it's just a phrase, a let-go period. a time of release and refreshment.
how nice would it be if life's an easy balance, but it's not.how nice if friends would stay forever, but they dont.how wonderful if people love with all their heart, but seldom.how perfect if things never fell apart, they do.how great it is that God's with us, awesome.how blessed we are to be in His presence, very.how grateful that God's my shelter, my refuge and my bestfriend, eternally grateful am i. (:thank you God (:
let go and let God's suddenly so apt.
then again, there's always the 'buts' in between.
like but it's going to be so hard, yet so humbling.
going to be a struggling uphill task, tough yet must be done.
going to help but yet eat me.
you people must think im crazy but well.
i miss grandma too, she called just as i was going to ring her and talking to her made me tear again. she's really caring and sweet, i can just tell her anything and everything. i dont want to see her leave or burn in hell. i dont want see her go without me getting grades to make her proud though she wouldnt understand much about it, i want to be there for her.
maybe loners study better
maybe they enjoy it
maybe they get better grades
maybe they hate the friendship emo stuff
maybe they have God and that's enough
maybe i should be one too.
PRAY NICOL, PRAY.
a revelation God, please.
too many thoughts, too short a time.
ill be fine, for sure.
it's just a matter of time.
don't worry, im really fine, not sucidal just very reflective.
NICOL IS GOING TO STUDY AND GET FAT.
to Him be the glory.
im going all the way, nothings going to stop me now.
i pray, God be my light and my strength, you're all ive got now.
to salvage or to lose, it isnt was important as my A1? maybe it is, but so crucial now. dang, i hate choices. screw it.ill pray. ignore that, i know i sound sadistic.
God help.
